Mop-Up Nitro 10.23.00
By Hyatte
411 Fan Forum
Mop-Up Nitro
(Note: You're seeing two Nitro's because I botched up the first try so I tried to correct it with this one. Plus all those URL tags aren't working. I'll try to straighten everything out and have all mistakes cleared by next week. By the time I get the RAW recap up, everything should look normal)
What can I do? The show is caught up in a veritable limbo while it waits for someone to buy it. It has no direction, no tone... it's just... there.
I'll make this quick.
NITRO: (or Take my Wrestling Company.... please!)
-WW... err... WCW Logo. The last damn idea Bischoff ever had. Look for an in-depth AAT about how this WCW Logo already helped McMahon become a TRILLIONAIRE... coming soon... to 411.... then to the Torch (rat smelly chink BASTARDS).
-as a reminder to those who found something BETTER to do on Monday nights for these past two weeks, such stare in the mirror and watch Father Time erode your youth, vitality, and spirit away, they show us video clips that PROVE that Nitro DID spend two weeks in Australia... (DO NOT BELIEVE IT!!! They were in Macon, GA the WHOLE TIME!!! IT'S A SCAM!!! IT'S A WORK!! IT WAS ALL JUST TO SPARK INTEREST!!!!)
-Jesus, people... one of the Kangaroos was just a Donkey who was trained to walk on it's hind legs. Light a bottle rocket, stick it up your ass and you'll hop around too!!
- Opening theme... (still kicks some serious booty, this opening theme does.)
-Tony Schiavone welcomes us to Little Rock, Arkansas... pronounced "AR-CAN-SAW"... which leads me to ask the insipid questions... "What idiot would name their child Ar?" and "Why name a state based on his ability to use a tool that anyone over the age of 4 should be able to safely use?"
-So tell me, if there are any Arkansasasians out there... how WAS Bill Clinton as a Governor? And was his wife the same, manipulative shrew she appears to be today?
-VOTE GWB!!! BECAUSE REPUBLICANS RULE WHEN THINGS ARE GOING GOOD!!!!!
-They are in the Alltel Arena. You may one day NEED this information... THEN you'll be grateful... you little bastards.
-Tony has the nerve to scream, "THE WCW COMEBACK BEGINS RIGHT NOW!!!!!!" Then openly weeps as...
-Kevin Nash brings out his Natural Born Thrillers... well, two of them. Palumbo and Stasiak. Nash is wearing his "LAST CALL FOR HALL" tee-shirt. OO... maybe he'll say something... maybe he'll say something "catty" to make smark F**ks like Scaia giggle like school girls then offer 3 page essays as to what he said, why he said it, and how so inside it is only true geniuses can appreciate it!!! Ooo... ooo... COME ON BIG SEXY!!!
-The Harris Boys come loping out... walking suspicously like another-look-alike (or "rook-arike" for my Oliental fliends out there!) tag team brother combination... The BUSHWHACKERS!!!!
-WHHHHOOOOO.... HEEEEEYYYYY
-Well, they did walk like them, a little.
-Funniest Bushwalker moment EVER was during one of those damn Royal Rumbles. One of them was called out. He marched to the ring. He entered the ring. He was immediately thrown out of the ring. He marched out without missing a single beat. Man, I laughed like a loon for hours and hours. Then I realized that I was 17 years old and watching Wrestling alone. Man, I cried like a chick for hours and hours.
-Nash stayed in there a few minutes just to make sure we knew that Sean and Palumbo were still bickering. Then he joined the Announce team where he immediately announced that he was in a real bad mood and was in no mental shape to deal with this kayfabe nonsense. Later on, he says that Stasiak might need a "9 millimeter to the head" (Hey, that's how they got that troublemaking Dino Bravo in line!)
-Stasiak was all full of himself... staring out into the crowd instead of focusing on the match... being caught off-guard... sort of like what Palumbo did for the FIRST FEW MONTHS OF HIS CAREER!!!! Yet, Stevie Ray (did I mention he was on the team now? No doubt because *I said he wasn't all that bad last week!) promptly sold Palumbo as the TRUE team player and the TRUE talent of this team! (Yeah, just wait until Luger comes back and righteously KICKS SOME RIPPING OFF A.... oh, like anyone cares)
-Stasiak refused a tag and dropped off the ring corner. The Harris Boys did what they usually do in these situations... that little Power Bomb thing that Madden carries on WAAAAY too obnoxiously about (Fat Faced homo... you know what did to his Momma last night... I..... I I GAVE HER THE AL... THE GL..... err never mind. The Girlfriend might still be reading. Hi Mel! I LOVE YOOOOOU!), and they win.
-meanwhile, you'll see I reverted right back to improper use of periods... somewhere in Canada, NoSoul weeps.
-After the match, Nash lumbers into the ring (ugh... I hear the poor prick's knees are held together by scotch tape and old Bubble Yum) and tries to make some peace. Stasiak bumps chests. Nash grabs him by the throat and jams him into the corner. He threatens to hit him... but doesn't. You waited until Wednesday for this.
-Stasiak and Palumbo leave (but NOT TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
-Nash makes one more stop at the announce table and says that Stasiak is in need of a little "Tough Love" from Coach Kevin... something which will NOT be seen on "Vivid Video" (The big monkey really DOES look startingly like Colt Steel). Then he asked Madden if he even ever HEARD of exercise?
-commercials
-Mike Sanders tells Paula Poundstone that he will NOT bang her, he's not even INTO girls... so she might as well stop trying (I SWEAR, I heard Paula mutter, "yeah right... that's what Nathan Lane told me once too... but I showed him"). He also said that he plans on eating up some time tonight with a Kickboxing demo, just to show Ernest Miller that white men know how to kick too... even without that extra bone in their foot.
-Meanwhile, someone stuck some battery cables onto Gene Okerlund's nipples and gave his heart a jump start, because he was BACK IN THE RING FOR SOME HARD NOSED JOURNALISM!!! THE TOUGH QUESTIONS WILL BE ASKED AND WILL BE ANSWERED TONIGHT!!!!!! (what? Bob Ryder's unbiased interviewing skills on WCW Live aren't enough?)
-He brings out Booker T. The irony being... nobody has ever seen Booker T actually READ a book in his LIFE!
-Oh my GOD... PAULA POUNDSTONE???? You know... I just KNEW that I'd make that mistake one day.
-Booker looks somewhere and sez, "I love you too baby... you know who you are!" (Ahh... Brother's got a little SUMP'TIM SUMPTIM going... maybe some o' dat fine white meat)
-Booker rambles on about some advice his Daddy gave him, "Son, if the stick turn red, then yo sperm be dead. If it turn blue, then gets the hell outta town, mothaf-er!"
-His Daddy also said, "to bring some, get some, want some, you better be big enough and bad enough to take some, now can u dig that." (Hey!! Didn't Cosby give that exact same advice to Theo during the third season?)
-He also said that he won't be alone during Halloween Havoc (HA!!! Like anyone's gonna order the thing!!) he'll have the PEOPLE watching his back!!! (Yeah, but whenever the PEOPLE warn him of some ambush, he always IGNORES them and even re-positions his back so the ambusher can get a better shot)
-Booker finally tells Steiner not to hate the playa, but to hate the game... which still makes absolutely NO sense.
-Steiner comes out with his Big Lipped bimbo. He turns on the Racial vibe by saying that he was confused and that he doesn't understand (what else is new?).
-He doesn't get Booker's "jive" (yeah... TURKEY!!), does Booker REALLY want to save the drama for your momma, 'cause she don't know how much her welfare check is... and don't hate the player, hate my momma 'cause she works on a street corner for $1.95 an hour. ($1.95?? Wow... that means she makes more money than Zimmerman does for Wrestleline!! How sad is THAT!!)
-You know... I think I may have actually... HAD... Booker's mother then! She doesn't have any teeth, right?
-Steiner admitted to leaving his Ebonics handbook at home... ($15.00, Reganbooks! Leave it to whitey to try to turn a buck off the language of the Crips), but he managed to bring at least one solid ass whipping with him tonight. So let's get it on!! (He seemed intent on doing some violent things to Booker's ass.)
-Booker feigned hesitation... then took right off after him. They fought. Stevie Ray REALLY AND TRULY wanted to get involved... really... but the mighty hand of TONY SCHIAVONE heldf him back. Next time you see Stevie, called him an UNCLE TOM!!!!! IT'S A SAD, SAD DAY WHEN COTTON WHITE SCHIAVONE CAN HOLD BACK A BROTHER!!!!! MALCOLM LUTHER X DID NOT DIE FOR THIS, DAMMIT!!!
-Jarrett ran out with his guitar and it was a Good Ol' Country Hoedown!
-Sting ran out a scant second after his lights came on and music started (why even bother?) The WCW locker room (save for anyone who might qualify as an actual star) emptied out. Mike Awesome paid some particular attention to Steiner. This was sort of cleared up with Steiner not knowing who to be more pissed at.
-commercials
-Steiner tells Pollshock that Mike Awesome is a lamb and he's no Jodie Foster (well, except for the fact that they both like girls). He also promises to kick Awesome's "Retro ass" so hard he's gonna wake up IN the 70's (is this fad over yet? Can we all now admit that the 70's SUCKED???).
-It was a Hell of a promo, come to think of it... both of Steiner's promos kicked some major junk.
-commercials
-Mike Sanders is my BOY!! But even he can overdo it.
-Point being, he comes out in full kickboxing gear (I think... I don't pay attention to kickboxing... does Randall "Tex" Cobb still fight?). he gets on the stick, announces that Ernest Miller ain't shit, and says that he lived on "Badstreet U.S.A". .He said that ON that street... the further down you go, the worse it gets... and he lived on the last damn house on the right! (Don't be fooled... it's a MANSION!! with really cheesy Christmas decorations kept on the lawn all year round). SOOoo, his thesis is that Miller is going to be "S.O.L" at the Havoc (umm... he's going to be "Sick Over Losing"?)
-Err... might I make the one, small comment. Mike Sanders... I KNOW Michael Hayes, I KNOW Terry Gordy, I KNOW Buddy Roberts!! Mr. Sanders, you're NO Michael Hayes! You're NO Terry Gordy and you are CERTAINLY NO Buddy Roberts!!!
-You ARE Jimmy Jam Garvin though... if you really and truly want to be. He sucked.
-To DEMONSTRATE his Kickboxing skills (hmm... that was pointless), Sanders was ready to take on not 1, not two, but 3ree Big time Kickboxing Masters. (ooo, think they threw some unGodly amount of money to get Billy Blanks over?)
-No, The Jung Dragons came out (and if YOU see some Dragon Jung floating in YOUR toilets... for God sakes, get out of the house and call Animal Control... FAST!!!). Sanders takes out all three one at a time by applying some liquid on his gloves and touching their faces with it. Of course, even Austin was allowed to STRUGGLE a little whenever the Undertaker broke out the Cloroform.... these little pricks dropped out almost as if it was INTENTIONAL!!
-Sanders took out all three one at a time... but haven't we spent ENOUGH time on this?
-Leia Meow ran in and kicked Sanders in the nuts. No effect. He pulls out a cup (careful Mike... that might start a whole trend! What if EVERYONE started wearing cups? Then the whole BUSINESS would be irrecov... irreco... forever changed!) Sanders dumps some of his liquid into the cup and teased giving the Girl a thrill. Miller's almost-white girl ran out and stopped it. Miller ran out and stopped it too. I readily admit to having a cup too... sometimes I use it when I play "Top Gun" in the tub.
-Isn't it funny that Miller was appointed by Bischoff and Sanders was appointed by Russo... yet neither of their "Bosses" are anywhere to be found?
-Isn't it funny that April 13th was supposed to be the "Day the World Changed"... and WCW was supposed to make it's best run YET at the WWF...
-Isn't it funny that NOBODY... and I mean NOBODY... bought into it?
-I can't wait until ANOTHER big Nitro comeback begins... how will they EVER try to convince us that this will REALLY be the big one?
-commercials.
-Kronik were in the ring and told Goldberg that they are usually in the business for the money, but because he was a FILTHY JEW... they were making this personal. Then they went full on "Acolyte Mode" by running some lame gimmick with 3 Count where they started out as bodyguards, but ended beating them up. Something tells me that this segment will not be considered when it's time to fill up the WCW 3K Time Capsule.
-commercials
-Kevin Nash tells Pollshock that Willem Dafoe had a great line from "The Last Temptation of Christ" about allowing the man who doesn't sin cast the first stone. (Physically impossible. Ever read that Bible? Goddam EVERYTHING is a sin... technically, by the time men reach 15, they should have cut off their nuts, or they're heading straight to Hell. The Bible also says to not covet thy neighbors wife... YOU CAN'T DROOL OVER A BIG TITTIED WOMAN, PEOPLE!!!! NOW WHO OUT THERE THINKS THEY ARE GOING TO HEAVEN!!!!)
-Nash mumbles something about how HE, unlike certain companies he knows, does NOT give up on a talent so easily... so he's sending Stasiak to an OHIO Indy until he can shake off those few extra pounds!
-He also says that since he's there... he's going to SHOOT a little. "First off" (shoot, MY ASS!!!), he announces that this great company handed Scott Hall his walking papers a couple of days before his Birthday. Well, that Outsiders gimmick was really NOT a gimmick and the Outsiders WILL run again and dammit, it's "on". (Didn't Easy-E try that against Dr. Dre and Ice Cube? Then die of AIDS?)
-Ominous words... cryptic words... let's see if C**tface Scaia has any opinions other than his typical, "I'll sit quietly here and twiddle my thumbs until something happens then I'll proudly brag about screaming about how this would happen all along"... hang on a sec...
-nope... he stuck with his normal routine. He's another girl-hater.
-Either Hall's firing is a work, or Nash just said he was OUT the door when his contract is up.
-Oh, and be sure... WCW BEGGED him to make these "shoot" comments.
-Team Canada did NOT come out... oh no... the MIA's came out DRESSED as Team Canada... oh, I think we're in store for a little PARODY!!!!!!
-and what gave you that idea Hyatte? You stupid, dumb, piece of SHIT... could it be because they were dressed as TEAM CANADA???
-General Rection (bleeped out the first time Tony called him that... because the Censors are douchebags) was dressed as Lance Storm with a dead squirrel on his head (I call it the "Shatner Look"). Loco Guerrero was dressed Flick Mypecker. Larioux was dressed as an idiot cajun and Awall was doing the Duggan thing... well.
-What followed was high octane parody comedy that hasn't been seen since Sean Shannon tried to parody Carson's "Tea Time Movie" to show that he could compete with my Carnac bits. Yes, our feud was that ridiculous.
-Rection asked if he could be serious for a moment... then it was pointed out to him that his belt was upisde down. Rection said that it looked fine from where he was standing. I think I heard Madden do a spittake.
-He introduced Loco as "Whine Time"... one hundred ounces and under. Tony went into hysterics.
-He introduced A-Wall as "Jigsaw Jim Jughead" and... and... oh my God... I'm so sorry... I am truly so sorry... I just can't do this anymore. It's so unfunny.
-ARE THERE ANY MIA FANS OUT THERE?????? I HAVEN'T SEEN A SINGLE ONE!!
-I KNOW... I KNOW... I GET PAID (intheory) TO DO THIS... BUT CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND??? THEY ARE JUST COASTING UNTIL SOMEONE BUYS THE COMPANY!!!! NONE OF THIS WILL MEAN ANYTHING IN A MONTH!!!!!! WHOEVER MOVES IN WILL PROBABLY WIPE THE SLATE CLEAN AND START FRESH!!! DEAR GOD, PEOPLE!!! I'M 30 YEARS OLD AND I CAN FEEL WHAT'S LEFT OF MY LIFE DRAIN AWAY FROM THIS SHOW!!!! THIS SHOW IS A LEECH!!! A VAMPIRE!! AND I CAN'T TAKE THESE B-TEAM PLAYERS EATING UP TIME JUST TO PROMO A PPV THAT NO ONE WILL SEE!!! I JUST CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE!!! I JUST CAN'T!!!!
-COMMERCIALS
-MIKE AWESOME TElls Paula Pollshock that he will READILY accept Steiner's challenger because he is NOT a sheep... there WILL be no slaughter... and he will beat up Mr Steiner himself then storm into Ed Ferrera's office for the umpteenth time and BEG for his old Gimmick back. The character doesn't even bang fat chicks anymore.
-Nash brought out the Natural Born Thrillers and told Stasiak that "Four years and four months ago, two guys walked into World Championship Wrestling. One of them was me, the other one was a guy called Scott Hall. You see, Shawn, we exemplified what a team was... both shoot and work. Our success is documented in the record books. Arguably the greatest tag team of all time." (Oh PLEEEAZE!!! Am I the ONLY one who remembers the team of Ivan Putski and Tito Santana?)
-So, Nash wrapped up by saying that since Stasiak refuses to be a team player, tonight... "you stand alone!"
-Goldberg's music comes on... perfectly cued.
-Goldberg is led out... SLOWWWWWWLY
-I tell ya'... Goldberg standing in that storm of firesparklers really is quite the sight.
-Goldberg enters the ring
-I've had orgasms that lasted longer
-Later on, GB grabbed the mic and promised the usual death and destruction to Kronik at the Havoc. How long before someone realizes that the Streak isn't worth diddly if the guy who created it isn't even around anymore?
-commercials.
-Alex Wright came out with Disqo Inferno. Disq gets on the mic and says that he WILL get to the bottom of this mystery that has been baffling the world since... oh I don't care.
-See, he and Alex do NOT insult the intelligence of the fans (HAW... what company does this bitch think he works for?)... he knows that we know that WCW knows that something out there is not known (Russo was right... he REEKS of talent!)... so HE AND ALEX will get to the BOTTOM of this mystery and find out ONCE AND FOR ALL the answer to the question...
-Just who did let the dogs out? And shouldn't someone bring them back inside before they get run over by a car?
-Let's say it ALL together now.... "OH FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!!!"
-and I'm sorry but... NOTHING will EVER top "WE WILL ROCK YOU" as the UNDISPUTES SPORTS ROCK SONG!!!
-trust me... "Who Let the Dog's Out" will go the way of the "Macarena"
-If Bischoff was still around, he would have booked this band to play every Nitro for 3 years straight.
Mop-Up Nitro 10.23.00
By Hyatte
-Billy Kidman and Jin Drak (didn't he pitch for the Tokyo Dragons?) come out. It's a three way dance where the winner gets nothing... it's actually a 3 way dance as a sort of preview for the BIG tag team 3 way Dance coming to HH.
-am I crazy or has every segment tonight been directly related to the PPV?
-Kidman ended up winning after some 3 way nonsense. Meanwhile, I'm getting VERRRRY sick and tired of hearing Madden end every friggin' punchline he tries with "Tony"... "Disqo likes to fondle his Duck, Tony!", "Wright's Father cooked Hebrews in Aushwitz, Tony!", "I may hire Kronik to protect my job should they ever sell this damn company, Tony!", "I eat infants, Tony!", "I haven't seen my penis in 30 years, Tony" ArrrrrrrrrRRRR HEY MARK I... I... I.... ARRRRRRHGH YOU BITCH, WHY CAN'T I JUST SAY...
-NONONONONOno... no... I didn't mean to call you a bitch, baby!... I think you are wonderful... I'm just SO stressed out baby. You know how I get. I'm sorry. I loveyouloveyouloveyou.xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
-The Filthy Animals were left in the ring to whoop it up after their THRILLING victory. Plus, I'm sure getting rid of that dickhead who kept milking Rocky Maivia's one throwaway mention of his name 9 months ago gave them some cause for cheers too.
-commercials
-Jimmy Hart interrupted Crowbar's incredibly weak ass attempt to pick up Pollshock (I'm sure Scaia took notes) by telling him that his match was scheduled for right NOW.
-The Announcers get face time. Madden throws a toothpick at the camera while making that hideously ugly sneer which does NOT make his "normal" expression look any cuter. Oh... I get it... this was Mark's PROTEST against Hall's firing... so we should CHEER him... oh... OHHH.
-I refuse to believe that those pro-Madden signs we sometimes see are not plants.
-Just remember what I said in the RAW recap openers, folks.... send me whatever you got on his Momma and we'll all shred him up something FIERCE... even if you NEVER WROTE TO AN INTERNET GUY BEFORE... THIS is the time for you to break the rules and let him have it.
-We get us a video package of the David/Stacey/Buff triangle (why not just say "F-It" and claim that Rikishi is the Dad? I'd respect the company SOOOO MUCH if they tried it)
-We get us a video package of Kronik/Goldberg
-We get us a video package of Jarrett/Sting
-... Steiner/Booker
-... Halloween Havoc
-... Your Momma being gang banged by a pack of Columbian Tobacco Farmers (wow... how'd the company get their hands on THAT? And will you sue?)
-commercials
-Crowbar is in the ring as is the returning VAMPYRO!! Fresh from having a baby, (I hear that when the Nurse told him that it was a son, he said, "See! I KNEW there was still some gas in my engine!!! To which the Nurse responded, "Well, you better have the Oil filter changed, because the baby's black!" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA THANK YOUUU MR. MARTLING!)
-Crowbar had some nunchakus with him, which Crowbar didn't notice until they were knocked upsdie his head. Tony referenced the phrase "Lethal Weapon"... (OH YOU BASTARD!!!! TRY THAT AGAIN, AND IT'LL COST YOUR DAUGHTER HER VIRGINITY!!!!!!)
-and if the daughter looks anything like Tony... ooooh you better BELIEVE she's still a virgin.
-They go back and forth.... up and down... left and right... black to white... Tupac to Biggy... Lakers to Celtics... Wildfire to Mad Dog ( plug ).. oh it was all over the place
-Meanwhile, the announcers scream about how this match may result in a number of female eggs being assaulted by male sperm because this match is no doubt firing US ALL UP!!!!
-Things spill towards DJ Ran and that cage he has behind him... Vampiro's Jews show up to help.. (dammitalltohellthejewsruineverything)... Crowbar is slammed through a table. The ref ends it. This match went ten minutes. It was probably the best match of the night. I spent two full marks on it. This is why I RULE and you DON'T.
-Afterwards, Vampiro cuts a spot on Mike Awesome... apparently, Vamps wife is really fat and Awesome is the father... because Awesome is going to PAY at the Havoc.
-Ever notice that during the TWO times WCW was at it's lowest this year, Vampiro is the one who gets a giant push?
-commercials
-K-fag comes out with his haggy bim. He inquires about the dogs, then asks where Disqo's talent is "at"... (I'd like to know who let PROPER GRAMMER AND PRIDE IN ARTICULATION OUT WOOF, WOOF WOOFWOOF, WOOF)
-Some douchebag has a “feel this sign, that’s enuff” sign. Someone cut off his foot. A person like that should be HOBBLED!!!
-Shane Douglas comes out with Torrie and an arm cast. He announces that even though the entire WORLD wanted to see these two guys tear it up tonight, he has this nasty injury so they'll have to put it off. (and exactly who was drooling over this?)
-Torrie gets on the stic and berates the fans for not believing Shane.
-Shane then asks Konan if he's happy for making Torrie upset? Konan accuses Shane of being limped dick (he is Irish, after all) and tells Torrie to get a facial. (She does look a bit hagged out... as my old bud from the Nightclub scene, Anthony Sasso would say, "She's been getting F**KED!")
-To emphasize that this is NOT any rasslin crap, but REAL FEELINGS, REAL EMOTIONS, REAL LIFE.... Shane calls Konan "Carlos".
-one thing led to Mark Madden's Mother and...
-Konan beats the Hell out of Shane, working heavy on that arm.
-Shane ends up winning though... and before he can do something nasty (not to mention deserved) to Tygress...
-Rey Rey and Kid Kid make the save. Franchise and Torrie walk away. Franchise is sporting his typical, "What the hell are these guys doing here?" outraged look.
-commercials
-Scott Steiner comes out with a GIANT pussy... and a real live Tiger. (ba-DUM DUM)
-He enters the ring and the Tiger is taken back... which means that there was no reason why the hell a Tiger would be there... unless... Oh dear God... OH MY CHRIST IN HELL!!!!!
-DID SIEGFRIED AND ROY BUY WCW???????? IS THE NUMBER 2 WRESTLING COMPANY NOW RUN BY TWO FREAKY, FLIGHTY, FOREIGN VEGAS MAGICIANS?
-maybe not... but I DID hear that the Tiger recently signed a 3 year deal with the company... AND he gets to control his own finishes.
-all jokes aside, I think they were hoping the Tiger would get on the stick and say, "WCW, IT'S GRRRRRRRRRREAT!"... but saw what was going on and decided not too.
-and someone tell Steiner that he can't look badass with a Tiger when he has 28 handlers surrounding him.
-anywhoo.... Steiner gets on the stick and says that you don't have to be Jean Dixon to know that he's gonna beat Booker at the PPV. Then he started sucking up to the brilliance that id Vincent K McMahon. (AHA!!! HE IS A CLAIRVOYENT!!!)
-Mike Awesome came out to Booker's music... oh no, that was just Booker behind him, waiting to attack Steiner... which he did.
-Booker joined the announcers. Stevie Ray immediately hit him up for some money.
-Awesome and Steiner fight into the ring, Awesome thumps the dude away... or thumps away at the dude... whichever floats your boat.
-Little Miss Big Lips, (I bet she can make ANY bath tub a personal Jacuzzi simply by kissing the water and flapping them lips... all four of them) gets involved.
-They hit the floor and it's Steiner
-They hit the ring and it's Steiner
-They wonder why nobody's watching and it's Steiner
-Awesome with the big splash and pin... no soup
-Awesome tries the Running powerbomb... the girl stopped it and handed Steiner a pipe
-Steiner hits the top rope Mongolian Sewer Drop (oh just EAT ME, FANBOYS!!!)
-Recliner, victory, promises, vows, hyperbole, Madden, food, bottomless, pit, stomach, his, shows, ends.
I've said it all up top. This is not a real show. It's a wannabe show just waiting for a leader to come forth. They are just treading water. It's not fair to even compare the two.
I give it to Monday night FOOTBALL... I hear it was a great game.
Closer time.
Well, I haven't done a serious closer about wrestling in a while, and with all the talk about how WCW may become WWF 2, I thought I'd weigh some pro's and cons about this possible deal. Sort of give you all the incite in one jumbled pile. Okay?
PROS
-well, I have this image in my head. It's a great image. It's an image that will send chills down any fan's spine... but I'll save it for the very end.
-dream matches. Austin vs Goldberg. The Rock vs Booker. Sting vs The Undertaker (note to Berry: My apologies... I know you mentioned these first). How about Flair stepping out on RAW and telling Rocky about how he has to BEAT the man? Can you imagine the promo exchange between THOSE two? How about that reunion between Arn Anderson and Chris Benoit? How about Kevin Nash and Scott Hall walking out on RAW and telling HHH that they remember when Hunter used to carry their bags? How about Austin giving everyone in WCW the Stunner?
-GOODBYE MADDEN!!!!!
-*ahem... and don't you tell me that there isn't SOME mark-out appeal at the thought of Hulk Hogan showing up on RAW and announcing that he built this company and he's gonna take it back.
-By buying the WCW, the WWF also gets their marketing rights... now we might get to see a REAL NWO takeover attempt.
-ECW will benefit STRONGLY... with all that character juggling, the WWF will have no chooice but to send some stars to Philly for Heyman to use. Heyman, no matter what you think, is a brilliant booker. He can work wonders with very little. Imagine what he can do with an actual pool of talent!
-New excitement. This will bring wrestling popularity up into the stratosphere. Remember how those "casual ex-fans" came back to see what WCW was doing with all those stars from yesterday? Think even MORE will come back to see all this cross promotion?
-Jim Ross rides back to Atlanta! Put him on Nitro detail with Lawler (which brings Lawler closer to Memphis). Bring back Heenan and put him on RAW with Tazz and Cole. Sure, Cole is bland, but Tazz is extraordinary and Heenan never worked a mic better than with Vince. Put Tony on Thunder and have the ultimate PPV dream team of Ross, Tony, Tazz, and Heenan.
-GOODBYE RUSSO!!!!
-actually... IF Vince is kind and IF Russo can swallow his pride, he'll realize that he worked best under McMahon's restrictions. Russo CAN write.
-Nitro: 7-9 Raw 9-11. Perfect.
-No more raging egos to soil a company. Either get on the team, follow orders, or you can work in Japan and eat raw fish for the next 30 years. Your choice.
-No more crap. Look, I know it's cold hearted, but under this system, only the cream of the crop gets a Monday night shot. You have only so much time to get heat, or you are shunted aside for someone who can. Nobody is bored by miserable segments anymore.
-If the WWF chooses to start ignoring the old "Apter Family" of magazines again (shouldn't they now be called the "SAKS FAMILY"?)... they are F***ED with a capital F
-GOODBYE RYDER!!!!!!!! ADIOS, YOU OLD FART!!!!!
CONS
-Stretching themselves out. People don't seem to realize that McMahon is trying to start a whole new FOOTBALL LEAGUE. Do you realize how much time that takes up? Plus, he's 54 years old. Great health notwithstanding, the man is old, under pressure, and under stress. He can't give the WWF much of his time, much less WCW... thus the quality of the wrestling will suffer.
-overwork. Tonight, Kane and Jericho got a brand new feud going over some spilled coffee... expect LAZY ASS ANGLES to start in the exact, same way. There is no such thing as a bottomless pit of creativity, the well will run dry quickly and we won't see many beautifully played angles anymore... ESPECIALLY in the mid-card arena.
-The Shuffle. For the last few years, the WWF prided itself on giving "everyone a shot" there is "no glass ceiling" in the WWF. With ALL THAT MAIN EVENT TALENT to work with... I don't care HOW controlled Vince keeps the locker room, there WILL be real stars stuck at the bottom of the card for a loooong, long time.
-Bischoff. He will return and probably start his own company. Remember the old "WOW" group? The "WARRIORS OF WRESTLING: WRESTLING THE WAY IT OUGHT TO BE"? Well, it sucked. Bischoff will probably try something like that.
-Sting. Retired. Gonzo. He once said that signing with the WWF is like "signing with the Devil". He doesn't need this anymore, and I still think he really doesn't want it anymore either.
-Money. A big argument amongst the smarts is that Vince will control the salary cap of pretty much all of wrestling now. Umm... actually, I don't care about this all that much. So long as everyone can eat and pay their mortages.
-A Monopoly. No matter how much they dress it up and downplay it. This will be the WWF owning American Wrestling totally and completely. People NEED some sort of alternative... or the whole industry will go stale after the initial shock value of seeing all this crossover action wears out.
-Steve Austin and the Rock will both beat everyone in the business. Vince does loves winning his pissing contests and proving his points.
-Have you noticed that once the WWF blew up, they started ignoring the Internet's voice? Why would that change once they taske over WCW? All of us better get ready... because we are about to get totally ignored.
So... there you have it. The final analysis: Even though the dream match-ups are REALLY appealing... in the end, I'd have to firmly be OPPOSED to this. In the long run, I really can't see how this can be positive.
But....
Remember that image I told you about? It's the first thing I thought of when the rumors of this thing first broke out. Even though it didn't happen, and probably even WON'T... it gave me a HUGE DOUCHECHILL.
I see the Nitro ring filled with EVERYONE... ALL the stars. Hogan too. Tony, Madden, and Hudson have no clue what's going on.
Someone steps out from the backstage. He stays on the entrance way.
It's Vince McMahon... on Nitro... with a microphone. The crowd is in shock. He puts the mic to his mouth and says...
"Meet your new Boss. There are going to be a few changes around here."
Let the mark-out begin
Remember to help me say goodbye to Madden in STYLE
And remember about my radio shot on the Edge. I'll try to get Ashish to remind you guys on Monday or Tuesday.
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